Oh wait, I'm playing solitaire. I almost forgot. Solitaire is a game for one.....
I spent the past five years of my life with a partner. I'm finding single life to be a huge adjustment. Mr. Safety and I spent almost every day with each other and when we were a part we would talk on the phone for hours about absolutely nothing. It drove my father nuts when I came home from college each summer. The phone bill would sky rocket and he could never fall asleep when I was giggling away in the next room. Mr. Safety was there for me in the good times, the bad times, and even now that we aren't together he is still there for me.
I came home yesterday after my Property Law exam and found a dozen red roses on the doorstep (along with the MAC Viva Glam V lip gloss supply I ordered). His message? "Thinking of you as mothers day approaches. Just thought u could use some roses, I miss you. - Mr. Safety.
Most women would probably flip over the message. I did, but the flip I experienced after reading the card was a stomach lurch. I can read between the lines and what I saw was not a "I miss you message" but "I'm putting distance between us." Who can blame him, really? Five years together and I up and leave as if none of it happened. I spent almost every day of my life telling this man that I loved him and then one morning I woke up and wanted to end things. I too, would want to distance myself away from.. well myself.
I feel distant. The days seem to grow longer and I seem to long more and more for true companionship. It's a huge adjustment spending every day by myself. In between outings with friends and school work, there lies a woman struggling to find her place in the world. No wonder so many so called friends put me at a distance. I was in that sticky, uncomfortable discovery phase they had long ago put behind them.
It gets easier with time. I find myself busy with school work and house work, not to mention the long grass outside waiting for a mow. I get absorbed in my Sex and the City DVDs and spend more time talking to God. Each night before I lay my head down to rest I pray for my family, friends, and the loss I have experienced in breaking up with Mr. Passion. I think I am a morning person because each new day feels like another chance to redeem myself. I draw closer to becoming the woman God wants me to be and hopefully close in the distance between myself and that great love I hope to experience before life ends.
Queen of Hearts,
P. Manolos
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