I Wonder

I wonder

I wonder what life will be like someday

When all of the shades of black have turned gray

And the pain I felt for so long in my life

Drifts away like unsung dreams in the night.

I wonder what life will be like someday

When my heart broken asunder goes astray

And turns into the thing I fear the most

A captured prisoner for an unwelcome host.

I wonder what life will be like someday

When sleep turns into silence in the middle of the day

And I like the dreams I so lovingly sent

Have lived, existed, and found empty and spent.

It's a beautiful day today. I'm off to workout at the gym and then to my favorite Starbucks to get some studying done for finals. Life is getting better day by day, the pain I have felt is beginning to diminish and I find myself feeling stronger and stronger. I still miss Mr. Passion, but the feeling ebbs and flows like the rest of my moods. I am in a good place now. I love him with all of my heart, but I understand that the key to truly loving someone is to allow them to leave and be happy. Even now I feel a bit bitter saying those words, but I realize I have only two choices: continue being bitter about something I have nothing to do with or fill my heart with good things and give the love that I have to others. I've chosen to do the latter and unfortunately, I find it to be the hardest road to take. 

Days like these make me wonder why God allows bad things to happen to good people and nothing but good to happen to the bad. I get a bit miffed at the thought that people who do not believe in his existence let alone acknowledge the possibility can live their lives covered with blessings and happiness. It is even more mystifying to me to see people of faith struggle and feel so much pain throughout their lives. Each night before I sleep I pray and read my Bible. Each day I wake up I dedicate time to turn my thoughts to him. How can the faithful be so frightful?

After I've thrown the last batch of confetti at my little pity party, I reassess the situation to come to this conclusion. -------->

My treasures lie in heaven

Worldly people can experience worldly success. They may break a person's heart with malicious abandon, turn around and fall in love with another person. Yes, they may feel happiness for a couple of weeks, or even a long stretch of time. It is in the end that their superficial existence will fall apart. They are insatiable. Nothing can satisfy them and everything must do so in order to receive their full allegiance. Only the people of God truly understand how fleeting life is. People of faith understand how to be faithful because God commands us to do so. Children of God know how to love because it is his desire for us to love each other as well as the Lord himself. 

It is with all of this in mind that I understand my treasure is in heaven. Job was faced with the same feeling when his whole world shook apart upon God's command to the devil. He lost his children, his wealth, the love of his wife, and the respect of his friends. Everywhere he turned nothing but bad things were happening to him. The only relief Job found from his own physical aliments was to scrap the boils off his skin with broken pottery and to roll around in hot ashes from the fire place. Faced with all of the adversity of the world falling upon him, Job stood up to his friends and his wife and proudly proclaimed:

I know my Redeemer lives!

I only hope for a small mustard seed of Job's relentless faith.  Despite all of the pain and adversity he faced, Job was eager to be God's faithful servant. I know I too may endure for a night, or maybe a couple of nights, but every time I wake up I find joy in the early morning. Joy is found in the morning because it reminds me that I've made it through another night. I've made it through another night to move closer to the rich treasures God has in store for me.

Golden,

P. Manolos