A Measure of Success

I love to bake. When I'm feeling down or up, I like to fire up the oven and start baking something fabulous. Cakes are used throughout history for celebratory purposes. Birthdays, weddings, holidays and even funerals aren't even official unless there is some form of cake involved. Every success in life has a confectionary dessert waiting in the wings. The measure of success in baking is the quality of the ingredients and how well you plan out the recipe. 

Life and success. At the age of 24, I still don't understand what the two words mean. A girlfriend once told me that she had mentioned my status in law school to another friend and they both expressed feelings of pride that I was following my dream. "Oh she was so happy to hear that you were following your dream." I guess that means I'm successful, right?

I wish I knew the answer to that last question. You see, both of my friends are married. Hell, most of my friends are married. I can remember how as a little girl I played so many wedding scenarios with Barbie and Ken as actors portraying my future dream of having a husband and a family. Barbie was the perfect age when she magically received a ring from Ken and they lived happily ever after. She had it all, her own career, a pink convertible, and even a matching tea set that turned pink when you put hot tea into it.  

There was never a hiccup in my Barbie-Ken reenactments of future events. Barbie met Ken, Ken met Barbie, Ken fell in love with Barbie, and they both lived happily ever after. No muss, no fuss. 

It is only now, after my girlfriends celebrated my academic victory that I question, what is the true measure of success? Is success based upon victory over some goals or the diminished value of the failure to obtain one of them? If we achieve all of our other dreams, financial success, a great career, and a strong academic track record, are we still a failure if we find no one to share it with?

I can't help but wonder why I am so focused on one area of life that hasn't yet come into fruition. Why are we as women so focused upon our relationships that we fail to celebrate the accomplishments we have made in our lives? I have made so much progress in my career and yet there is this nagging stabbing feeling in the back of my mind that all of this success is just a smoke screen to a true failure I have tried to cover up in my life. Do I celebrate my career to feel better about my lack of "in a relationship status"? 

 I have yet to walk by the hallmark card aisle to see a "Congratulations! You're not married!" card section.  Girlfriends give you the "oh don't worry he's out there" speech and guy friends tell you that it isn't something for you to worry about. It's damned praise I suppose in both cases. Someone telling you that you should just wait your turn and he'll come around and someone else telling you that you aren't too ugly to count yourself out the ring race yet. 

 If marriage is considered a successful milestone in our lives to celebrate and cherish, then singledom must be the reverse. What goes up, must come down. 

Single people don't get cake. Well, unless you're me, then you whip one up for yourself and take a slice while watching Sex and the City reruns.

Let them eat cake,

P. Manolos