Ten Things

Bad Habits

1. Dirty dishes- I'll leave them in the sink for at least a day before I get to them. Mr. Passion hated it when his roommate did that. I just get too busy to do the laundry.
2. Forgetting Something?- I hardly remember what I did last week let alone yesterday. I'm not huge on the memory department. Strangely I retain all academic information, but regular life events escape me. 
3. Omgsh Shoes- I'll buy a ton of shoes and not think about it the next day. It's getting to be a very expensive habit. Almost like crack, but not illegal and the only health issues you have to worry about our warts and callouses.
4. Sensitive skin- Not in the traditional sense, but I can be quite sensitive to the emotions of other people. 
5. Anger issues- I can't really get angry about anything. Even when I'm upset I'll start laughing really hard before I cry about something. Just something I picked up from my parents.
6. Too Trusting
7. Too giving
8. Impatient

Can't really think of ten things... I'm a bit tuckered out tonight, I had a long day of classes and an intense work out. 

Feeling fine in '09,

P. Manolos

Lead Us Not Into Temptation....

Mr. Impossible.

My token guy friend and I discussed why Mr. Impossible is so, well... impossible. He told me that Mr. Impossible had perfected the technique of known as 'womanizing'. He knows exactly what strings to pull and when to let them go. I've been going crazy of him for a couple of months now, his vagueness, inability to commit and the pressure for me to do all of the "hey let's go out" plans. 

About over a month ago, I let go of Mr. Impossible. It was after I literally sent ten messages bitching about his lack of interest and his avoidance of spending any time with me. He would act interested and then disappear, giving me ridiculous excuse after excuse about how busy he was, how he was visiting family, etc. He even made up a great story about how his mother was in town on the same day and time we had plans to go out... two hours before my date. Not only was I dumped that evening, I had spent hours washing my hair when I could have just grabbed a carton of Dublin Mudslide ice cream and watched reruns of Sex and the City.

The Bible teaches us to stay away from temptation at all costs. The things we supposedly cannot live without- money, fame and men, are in fact traps the devil has created to snare us into an eternity filled with fire and brimstone. If you restrain from chasing after temptation, then you will reap the ultimate reward of cashing in on a small condo in heaven. Fail to resist temptation, and you'll end up in real estate hell.

With a push of the button, I gave into temptation today. After months of resistance, reminding myself that the guy is a total douche bag, and even indulging in a bit of black feminist rage, I wasted it all on one single word sent via IM:

Cleveland?

Sigh, how many Hail Marys do I need to absolve myself today?

P. Manolos 

Moment of the Day

I was late to class today. I've been late 3 times in a row to this class for a variety of reasons. As the professor handed back my homework, he whispered sternly "2 o'clock'.

Random Acts of Rudeness

I have to wonder why anyone would take the time to point out the obvious. That I was late to class, ten minutes late. In the way he did it too was pretty petty. To think, this person spent a few years on the outside and realized he or she was a terrible attorney and wanted out by taking a job teaching students how to "click here" on a website.

That was my rant for the day. Now, I actually feel sorry for the person. His life isn't a walk in the park. He or she would probably would much rather take a walk outside or go on vacation than sit around discussing which button to click. Hell, he or she might be a bit upset about what a crappy weekend they had and me being late to their insignificant little summer course may have been the icing on the cake. He just had to let it out somehow and why not stick it to the kid who shows up a few minutes late each day.

Tag, you're it.

P. Manolos

Couch Potato

I have class today. 

I honestly just want to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing today. Not a chance.

P. Manolos

Picture of the Day

White Chocolate Buttercream surrounds tender white chocolate cake with a rich raspberry filing. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.  Made from scratch of course!

A Measure of Success

I love to bake. When I'm feeling down or up, I like to fire up the oven and start baking something fabulous. Cakes are used throughout history for celebratory purposes. Birthdays, weddings, holidays and even funerals aren't even official unless there is some form of cake involved. Every success in life has a confectionary dessert waiting in the wings. The measure of success in baking is the quality of the ingredients and how well you plan out the recipe. 

Life and success. At the age of 24, I still don't understand what the two words mean. A girlfriend once told me that she had mentioned my status in law school to another friend and they both expressed feelings of pride that I was following my dream. "Oh she was so happy to hear that you were following your dream." I guess that means I'm successful, right?

I wish I knew the answer to that last question. You see, both of my friends are married. Hell, most of my friends are married. I can remember how as a little girl I played so many wedding scenarios with Barbie and Ken as actors portraying my future dream of having a husband and a family. Barbie was the perfect age when she magically received a ring from Ken and they lived happily ever after. She had it all, her own career, a pink convertible, and even a matching tea set that turned pink when you put hot tea into it.  

There was never a hiccup in my Barbie-Ken reenactments of future events. Barbie met Ken, Ken met Barbie, Ken fell in love with Barbie, and they both lived happily ever after. No muss, no fuss. 

It is only now, after my girlfriends celebrated my academic victory that I question, what is the true measure of success? Is success based upon victory over some goals or the diminished value of the failure to obtain one of them? If we achieve all of our other dreams, financial success, a great career, and a strong academic track record, are we still a failure if we find no one to share it with?

I can't help but wonder why I am so focused on one area of life that hasn't yet come into fruition. Why are we as women so focused upon our relationships that we fail to celebrate the accomplishments we have made in our lives? I have made so much progress in my career and yet there is this nagging stabbing feeling in the back of my mind that all of this success is just a smoke screen to a true failure I have tried to cover up in my life. Do I celebrate my career to feel better about my lack of "in a relationship status"? 

 I have yet to walk by the hallmark card aisle to see a "Congratulations! You're not married!" card section.  Girlfriends give you the "oh don't worry he's out there" speech and guy friends tell you that it isn't something for you to worry about. It's damned praise I suppose in both cases. Someone telling you that you should just wait your turn and he'll come around and someone else telling you that you aren't too ugly to count yourself out the ring race yet. 

 If marriage is considered a successful milestone in our lives to celebrate and cherish, then singledom must be the reverse. What goes up, must come down. 

Single people don't get cake. Well, unless you're me, then you whip one up for yourself and take a slice while watching Sex and the City reruns.

Let them eat cake,

P. Manolos

Moment of the Day

I woke up at 4:45AM. Why? No reason whatsoever, I'm just up at 4:45AM. Wide awake.

Moment of the Day

I opened up my Lucky Magazine and was greatly disappointed. Nothing. Nothing as in nothing new, sexy, hot, fashionable or remotely eyebrow raising. Sigh, is it September yet?

Boring is the new Black,

P. Manolos

Thoughts on a Warm Sunday Morning

Why is it that the day I plan on sleeping in, my biological clock wakes me up at 4 minutes to six? 

I'm a bit pissed off that I'm up this early. I'm too awake to go to sleep but I still feel a bit tired. I'm debating on whether to take aspirin to get myself back to bed. I have a lot of reading to do this weekend, so I guess getting up this early isn't a complete loss. I plan to finish gardening the front yard and cleaning the inside of the house today. If I'm not too exhausted from all of the gardening I plan to bake a cake and work on my cake decorating skills. I bookmarked a couple of cakes I would like to try this summer from my Cake Decorating book. Some of the techniques are a bit too advanced for me, but the rest are beginner friendly. My mom's advice on cake baking is that you have to be in the mood to bake it. Never bake a cake if you're tired, uninterested, or just too busy to pay attention to what you're doing. 

I'm up to answer the damn red phone,

P. Manolos

Rose Is Still A Rose

Doo doo doo doo doo doo mmm
Dooby dooby doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo mmm

There was a rose I knew, I met her once or twice before
She was a pretty sweet thing, not the least bit insecure
Then you came with your slick game and played with her youth
Ashamed of the way you lied, played with the truth, hey, hey

Mmm, she never knew what hit her
Steal her honey, then forget her
Now the rose is scorned
She wears her thorns tryin' to forget about you

‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't leave you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darling, you hold the power 

Now believe me when I tell you that I've been hurt myself
When he tells you that he loves you and sees nobody else
And now you're so tough tryin to wear tight clothes and things
Tossin' and flossin, trying to fill the void heartbreak brings

Oh..oh..yeah
When she faces the mirror, yeah
She's crying, you can't hear her
Now the rose is scorned
She wears her thorns trying to forget about you

Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power

See a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin', you hold the power

Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow
You may see your all today
When you know will come tomorrow

Tough to be, but life ain't over
Just because your man is gone
Girl, love yourself enough to know
That without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on

Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power

See a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you

- Aretha Franklin, A Rose Is Still A Rose

There's nothing better than gardening. When you're a little girl, they call it playing in the mud. When you're a grown up, it's called "gardening". I spent most of the day sweating and digging up weeds. I mowed the back yard, mowed the front yard, and put down some mulch around the plants and trees. By the end of the day, I felt exhausted and exhilarated. My whole body was covered in dirt and all I could think about was how beautiful life is right now at this very moment. The trees, the smell of freshly cut grass, and the sun on my face overwhelmed all of my senses. Life goes on. 

Roses are my favorite flowers. I planted a pink rose bush today. Red symbolizes passion, yellow was considered horrendous until the early 20th century, and purple is a symbol of grace and majesty. The rose bush I planted today was pink. Pink is my favorite color and symbolizes enchantment. When I bought her at the store, she had one small pink rose bud sticking out of the top. Unfortunately the rose bud died a week ago, but the roots and thorns were still left over. I planted it today in the backyard (full sun of course) and gave her a new life in the outside world. I felt like a mother when I fretted about whether I was planting her too deep or if I had waited too long to let her outside. It wasn't until I stepped away from her that I realized everything will be alright. Yes, she may have lost her flower, but she was still here. Strong and putting her old roots in new ground.

A Rose Is Still A Rose

Just as the rose bush I planted today had placed her roots in new ground, I began to replant my own. The pain of the loss I felt when Mr. Passion left is beginning to fade. I may have lost a beautiful bud, but I am still a rose.  I may have been jumbled, tossed, and turned a bit bitter but I am still the same flower I was when I began my life's journey. I'm hurt. I'm angry.  But I'm still here. Who knows, someday I may find myself sprouting a new flower that is more vibrant and fragrant than the first. 

I'm all thorns now, but that doesn't change who I am and will always be-a Rose

Stop and smell the roses... well not this one, I'm all thorns

P. Manolos

Moment of the Day

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalms 30:5

I woke up at around 6:45AM. I didn't need an alarm to wake me up. I just naturally felt myself arouse out of my sleeping fog at a quarter til seven.  Normal people would dread getting up this early. Anyone under the age of thirty would rather hit the snooze button than get up with the sun.

Well, I'm not a normal person. Getting up early is something I relish doing. Each morning is a new beginning. 

I wish I could tarry longer to tell you about my birthday party on Sunday. It was fabulous and all of the people who love me were in attendance. What more could I wish for?

Twenty Four is no longer just a TV show,

P. Manolos

Ten Things

Ten Things A Man Should NEVER Know About You....

1. How much you spend on clothing/shoes/etc- I dated a guy who gasped when I thought about spending $200 on a cocktail dress. Needless to say that relationship didn't work out.
2. How much you weigh- Do I really need to explain this?
3. How much you earn- Until he puts a ring on it, don't talk salary. Men aren't strong enough to know they are being out earned by their girlfriends
4. How many people you 'dated' in the past. Dated can mean a lot. Read into it what you will.
5. Your unladylike habits.... again, wait til marriage to let it all hang out
6. Girls Night activities 
7. You really think his friend is cuter
8. How ugly his clothes are. Frankly I could never date a man as fashionable as me. Two big cats can't share a cage ya know.
9. How much you want to get married- whether it be at all or if you already have a savings account entitled "something borrowed" in your future married name.
10. How much you truly hate his friends. Trust me, if you have a good man, chances are he'll choose his friends over you. 

Constitutional law exam in less than 16 hours. I'm going to go to bed in an hour or so to get a good night's sleep. I'm a firm believer in getting some major ZZZZzzzs before an exam. I finally understand this crap after 15 weeks of high fluting Constitutional law theory. 

Quote of the Day

Lose Everything....  but keep the faith"

-Pastor

Thoughts on a Warm Sunday Afternoon

Part II I suppose...

I got an email from Nordstrom about a sneak preview of fall's latest fashions. It was a total yawn fest. I don't have much time to talk about it now, I've only got 48 hours until my Constitutional law exam, so I'm trying to put my nose to the grind. For all of you who overdosed on this fall's trendy fashions and didn't stick to buying conservatively, take a deep breath. It looks like many of the looks we saw this fall will continue to be the rage next fall. I think the main reason why designers haven't come up with anything amazing this season is because of the economic downturn. Even the fashion world has taken a moment of silence for the millions of Americans who are feeling less than stylish due to their lighter pocketbooks. Well, I better get back to work on suspect classes. Suspect classes as in race, religion, and national origin.... not whether anyone looks good in paisley...

Is it Fall yet?

P. Manolos

Playing Solitaire

It's your turn.

Oh wait, I'm playing solitaire. I almost forgot. Solitaire is a game for one.....

I spent the past five years of my life with a partner. I'm finding single life to be a huge adjustment. Mr. Safety and I spent almost every day with each other and when we were a part we would talk on the phone for hours about absolutely nothing. It drove my father nuts when I came home from college each summer. The phone bill would sky rocket and he could never fall asleep when I was giggling away in the  next room. Mr. Safety was there for me in the good times, the bad times, and even now that we aren't together he is still there for me.

I came home yesterday after my Property Law exam and found a dozen red roses on the doorstep (along with the MAC Viva Glam V lip gloss supply I ordered). His message? "Thinking of you as mothers day approaches. Just thought u could use some roses, I miss you. - Mr. Safety. 

Most women would probably flip over the message. I did, but the flip I experienced after reading the card was a stomach lurch. I can read between the lines and what I saw was not a "I miss you message" but "I'm putting distance between us."  Who can blame him, really? Five years together and I up and leave as if none of it happened. I spent almost every day of my life telling this man that I loved him and then one morning I woke up and wanted to end things. I too, would want to distance myself away from.. well myself.

I feel distant. The days seem to grow longer and I seem to long more and more for true companionship. It's a huge adjustment spending every day by myself. In between outings with friends and school work, there lies a woman struggling to find her place in the world. No wonder so many so called friends put me at a distance. I was in that sticky, uncomfortable discovery phase they had long ago put behind them. 

It gets easier with time. I find myself busy with school work and house work, not to mention the long grass outside waiting for a mow. I get absorbed in my Sex and the City DVDs and spend more time talking to God. Each night before I lay my head down to rest I pray for my family, friends, and the loss I have experienced in breaking up with Mr. Passion. I think I am a morning person because each new day feels like another chance to redeem myself. I draw closer to becoming the woman God wants me to be and hopefully close in the distance between myself and that great love I hope to experience before life ends. 

Queen of Hearts,

P. Manolos

Moment of the Day

I had a final this morning. I jumped into the car Batman style with my bitchin outlines and ... hold on to your seat belts!

Coffee in a ceramic mug.

Not just any ceramic mug.

A kitchen mug.

I am my father's daughter.

As I started up the engine, I couldn't help but think how I have turned into my father the past couple of years. When I was younger I hated my Dad's coffee. It tasted nasty and he always had at least 3 cups throughout the day. His habit was so habitual he would risk spilling hot juice on his pants by taking a ceramic kitchen mug in the car with him on his way to work. He would drive with one hand wrapped tight around his morning Joe and the other one causally carressing the steering wheel.

Well, this morning I was my father's daughter. I didn't have a Starbucks carry cup ( I broke my last one, single tear) so I grabbed my kitchen mug and took with me on my morning commute. 

I'm proud to say that I didn't spill and drop and felt pretty good about my test today.

I guess it's genetic.

If the genes fit...

P. Manolos

Happy Fucking Birthday

Birthdays are the worst days- Biggie Smalls 

Most people look forward to birthdays. The annoying countdowns, birthday lists, and party planning. I however, agree with one of the greatest rappers of all time. Birthdays truly suck in the end. My family has learned not to push the whole birthday thing. Cake, ice cream, and whatever I wrote down on my wish list. Friends are usually absent on birthdays, not because I don't have any, it's because they really don't give a shit about my birthday. 

It doesn't help that I had a dream about Mr. Passion last night. It was one of those alternative ending dreams. You know, when you buy a movie on DVD they sometimes slip in the alternative ending. What would happen if X, Y or Z occurred? Well, last night I had the alternative ending dream where X, Y, Z didn't occur.  I hadn't written that shitty letter, he never left for home without saying goodbye, and he never took that skank to prom. Would things have worked out? Would I be planning my birthday with my boyfriend? Or would things have unravelled eventually? So many questions, so few answers. At least I'm at the stage of acceptance, denial was one helluvah drug. 

I just want to crawl into a hole this year. A hole as in my four poster queen sized bed.  The closer my birthday gets here, the more I detest the 22 years I've spent on this earth. It just seems like birthdays are dirty reminders of all the mistakes we have made and how small we really are in this world. The broken relationships, failed adventures, and monotony of the human existence will continue on. Happy fucking Birthday!

Let Them Eat Cake,

P. Manolos

P.s. I haven't had my morning coffee yet.... 

OMG... Shoes!

I'm still up. I drank one too many iced caramel macciatos today. 

I had a busy day today. I spent six hours studying for my Property law final and a half hour on the phone with my mom. 

I'm getting used to the single life. I have my routine, I get up early, grab breakfast, and if I'm lucky enough to get up on time, I'll go for a run. For the first time in almost five years, I'm completely alone. Well, not completely I still have my friends and family, but no other half to worry about. I love the fact that I can watch a chic flick without begging Mr. Safety for permission. I can wear outrageously scandalous clothes and have a drink without someone shaking their finger in my face. 

I realize that in the five years I spent with Mr. Safety, I never once thought about us not being together. I never thought that I may need to work on my friendships because if he's not around, I'll need someone's shoulder to cry on. He was my best friend, boyfriend, counselor, and emergency contact all rolled into one. I never reached out because I didn't need to when I had my all-purpose Mr. Safety doll. Just pull him out and at the press of the button he's whatever I needed at the time. It's every girl's dream, right? To find a guy who can be everything she needs in one neat little package. That's what fashion is all about, finding the  perfect skirt to go with everything.  Minimalism is the new black.

Minimalism doesn't work that well when it comes to relationships. I have learned the hard lesson that relationships should be treated just like a good shoe collection. Diversify, diversify, diversify. You can never have too many shoes. High heeled conservative black leather pumps for work, red suede wedges for play, and leopard print d'orsays for late nights out on the town. Wearing one pair of shoes for everything will wear them down and cause a ton of discomfort. 

Kenneth Cole pleather pointed toe ballet flats, size 8.5. I bought them over a year ago because I needed shoes for work. I bought them right before the season started, so you know I paid way too much. Needless to say, I wore these shoes everywhere. Work, after work, date nights, and even church on Sundays. When I wasn't quite sure about which shoes to wear, I always new my strappy Kenneth Cole shoes would be a perfect fit.

Almost a year and a half later, my shoes are worn down to the heel. You can even see the bottom of the metal supports used to keep the shoe's frame a perfect 0.5 inches from the ground. 

I wore Mr. Safety to the ground. I wore him to the ground and woke up to a world where I didn't have any other pair of black ballet flats to turn to. I relied on him so much for all of my needs that I ended up alone and without a clue in the end. 

I'm getting used to changing shoes. I have so many new friends to spend time with and to call when shit hits the fan. I'm stepping out into a new world where I spend more time with the girl with the size 8.5 feet. (Which I might add, is quite a big size for someone 5' 2")

If the Shoe fits, wear it judiciously,

P. Manolos 

BTW- You know that feverish obsession I've had about the black suede pointy toed ankle boats with dress that hit just above the knee? Well,  I guess I'm psychic because the latest Vogue had pictures of nothing but celebs wearing... wait for it... ANKLE boots with sweet dresses that hit just below the knee. To top it off, they also stated the trend was perfect because it balances out the sweetness of spring with a bit of rock-n-roll edge. Gasp, I don't think I even need to subscribe anymore... :) 

Ten Things: Birthday List

My Ultimate Birthday Wishlist

1. Tiffany's charm bracelet- all the yuppie kids have one!
2. Bright Pink OPI Nail Polish - My only bottle of bright pink nail polish has gone sour
3. Date with a really sexy guy, preferably tall dark and handsome. 
4. Refill on my Chanel Coco Mademoiselle perfume lotion/body wash
5. A puppy- Male Miniature Pinscher named Brutus
6. Steve Madden Black Gladiator 3-inch pumps in a size 8.5
7. Pink trench coat
8. Apple I-Phone
9. Anything pink and obnoxious really...
10. A good time with my friends

I'm excited about my birthday.  NOT. I wish I could say that an actually mean it... Birthdays are usually quite stressful. I end up finding out how much people know and care about me and how much people know but don't care about me. Strange that such a happy occasion could become such a circus. Ah well, my two close buddies from law school are celebrating with me, that's all a girl needs.

Picture of the Day

"Life's a runway. Work it."

Working on these last two finals. Will check in if something fabulous happens.....

XOXO

P. Manolos

I Wonder

I wonder

I wonder what life will be like someday

When all of the shades of black have turned gray

And the pain I felt for so long in my life

Drifts away like unsung dreams in the night.

I wonder what life will be like someday

When my heart broken asunder goes astray

And turns into the thing I fear the most

A captured prisoner for an unwelcome host.

I wonder what life will be like someday

When sleep turns into silence in the middle of the day

And I like the dreams I so lovingly sent

Have lived, existed, and found empty and spent.

It's a beautiful day today. I'm off to workout at the gym and then to my favorite Starbucks to get some studying done for finals. Life is getting better day by day, the pain I have felt is beginning to diminish and I find myself feeling stronger and stronger. I still miss Mr. Passion, but the feeling ebbs and flows like the rest of my moods. I am in a good place now. I love him with all of my heart, but I understand that the key to truly loving someone is to allow them to leave and be happy. Even now I feel a bit bitter saying those words, but I realize I have only two choices: continue being bitter about something I have nothing to do with or fill my heart with good things and give the love that I have to others. I've chosen to do the latter and unfortunately, I find it to be the hardest road to take. 

Days like these make me wonder why God allows bad things to happen to good people and nothing but good to happen to the bad. I get a bit miffed at the thought that people who do not believe in his existence let alone acknowledge the possibility can live their lives covered with blessings and happiness. It is even more mystifying to me to see people of faith struggle and feel so much pain throughout their lives. Each night before I sleep I pray and read my Bible. Each day I wake up I dedicate time to turn my thoughts to him. How can the faithful be so frightful?

After I've thrown the last batch of confetti at my little pity party, I reassess the situation to come to this conclusion. -------->

My treasures lie in heaven

Worldly people can experience worldly success. They may break a person's heart with malicious abandon, turn around and fall in love with another person. Yes, they may feel happiness for a couple of weeks, or even a long stretch of time. It is in the end that their superficial existence will fall apart. They are insatiable. Nothing can satisfy them and everything must do so in order to receive their full allegiance. Only the people of God truly understand how fleeting life is. People of faith understand how to be faithful because God commands us to do so. Children of God know how to love because it is his desire for us to love each other as well as the Lord himself. 

It is with all of this in mind that I understand my treasure is in heaven. Job was faced with the same feeling when his whole world shook apart upon God's command to the devil. He lost his children, his wealth, the love of his wife, and the respect of his friends. Everywhere he turned nothing but bad things were happening to him. The only relief Job found from his own physical aliments was to scrap the boils off his skin with broken pottery and to roll around in hot ashes from the fire place. Faced with all of the adversity of the world falling upon him, Job stood up to his friends and his wife and proudly proclaimed:

I know my Redeemer lives!

I only hope for a small mustard seed of Job's relentless faith.  Despite all of the pain and adversity he faced, Job was eager to be God's faithful servant. I know I too may endure for a night, or maybe a couple of nights, but every time I wake up I find joy in the early morning. Joy is found in the morning because it reminds me that I've made it through another night. I've made it through another night to move closer to the rich treasures God has in store for me.

Golden,

P. Manolos