This is my penance for not getting up to go to church this morning. That's why I love evening service :).
As you know, I'm going through a tough time in my life. I'm in love with someone who has no love for me, nor will he let me 'in.' I'm a tough cookie, but I never anticipated falling so hard for anyone in my entire life. My days are filled with rigid routines to keep myself from thinking about how much I miss him. Two hour workouts, homework sessions, dates with girlfriends, book readings, and most importantly, reading my Bible. I have to believe that there is a higher being out there in the heavens ordering each and everyone one of my steps.
This week, I decided to read my Bible cover to cover this year. Something told me to start with Genesis and end with Revelations at the end of 2009. As I began reading, I found it difficult to concentrate on the whole chapter. My reading basically went as follows:
In the beginning there was (Oh geez I need to make sure I get some work done because my bestest girlfriend from college will be here Wednesday)
And so on and so on. My thoughts kept interjecting into my readings to the point that I was going to give up and re-read the chapter when I encountered the following (keep in mind the Bible often has phrases that are in conflict with the rules of Modern English):
Genesis 2:18-25
Genesis 2:18- And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
2:19-20 (God does a search of the earth with Adam to find an help meet among the beasts of the field and the fowl of the air. Adam names all of the creatures, but alas no help meet was found).
2:21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
2:22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man
2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man.
2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh
2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
At this point of the reading, instead of having a continuous volley of distracting thoughts bouncing through my head, I had nothing but tears running down my face. The beauty of God's creation seemed to overwhelm me. I felt relieved to know that the feelings I was having for my lost love were natural. I knew they were natural because God had intended me to feel this way from the very beginning.
I had, without any knowledge or intent on my part, found myself becoming a part of this man that I loved so much. I desired nothing more than to be a part of his life, to be the help mate God had intended for me to be. It was predestined by the heavens that I would want to to love a man with pure, uninhibited abandon. The irony of God's method of creating woman was that man was only complete when he sacrificed the bone closest to his heart. He had to give up something in order to find the woman who would complete his life.
And when he found her, he named her. Adam named her woman because she was taken out of man. He turned to her and knew that she 'the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh.' He found the missing part that he and the Lord God itself had searched the entire world to find. They searched the entire earth only to realize that the thing he needed the most, a help meet, was right inside of Adam himself. She was his missing piece found in the most unlikeliest place-his rib cage. They looked upon each other, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. The Bible moves from 'woman' and upon Adam's declaration of her as his equal, she turns into his wife. He declares that throughout the whole world, she was the only one that completed him.
They look upon each other naked, and they were not ashamed.
Spare Ribs.
A spare rib created God's most beautiful creation- a woman. A spare rib set the cycle of male-female relationships for the rest of time. We as women love, hope, dream and care for the men in our lives in hopes that one day they would allow us to complete them. In my perspective, marriage isn't the most important end point to reach in a relationship. It is the moment when he turns to you and realizes that you are the help meet he has needed for his whole life. Something inside of his spirit stirs when he sees you and he realizes that there's something about you that makes his chest ache with familiarity. The knowing feeling that after years of wandering the garden of life, he has finally found his rib.
His spare rib.
I had fallen in love with a man who had no idea that he was walking around with an open chest cavity. He had no clue that in his life, he would wander this world looking for his missing rib. He would have to take chances and make choices in life that are difficult, messy, and complicated in order to find his missing part. And although I have no idea whether I was the rib or not, just the chance to be a part of his life was something I had ardently hoped for. I wanted the chance to experience life at his side, maybe it would be for a couple of months or even a year. Who knows the many roads the two of us may have followed. Maybe God had hardened his heart towards me because I was not the one for him, or even a suitable girlfriend for the time being. Do we as women ever know who we are truly meant to help?
At the close of the evening, I laid in my bed pondering the word of God. I couldn't help but wonder, if God had meant for us to complete man, was the rib he removed a spare in the first place? Or was it something man could not live without? I like to think the latter.
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