I haven't written anything of substance lately. Law school has consumed much of the time I use to think about the good stuff in life- Spring fashion, my favorite television shows, the merits of wearing white after labor day, etc. My parents have come and gone and I'm surprised to say that I was very happy to see them. They finally learned how to give me space and love at the same time. It was a shock for them at first to realize that I no longer wore Barbie doll training underpants, but they have finally realized their little girl isn't so little anymore. She's grown up and she is a woman who has her own life and her own needs to take care of.
Time heals all is the quote of the day.
I find myself getting closer to my peaceful self with each day that goes by. I'm especially looking forward to the summer, where I'll have a job to look forward to. Mr. Safety and I are seeing each other again and I'm growing to appreciate the stability he provides in my life. I know so many people feel that I am settling, but at my age, I find there are more important things in life than passion and excitement. Stability. I want a man I can depend on when times get tough and someone who will never walk away when we have a fight.
Fighting is an important part of any relationship. He and I can fight and I know that no matter what happens, he will be there for me afterwards. He doesn't get scared when we disagree and go toe-to-toe with each other. A real man knows when to walk away from a fight. My past relationship with Mr. Passion was so flawed because he would always run away from a fight instead of realizing that what we were doing was healthy. We were trying to figure out what we wanted from each other and that would inevitably lead to head butting. What I failed to realize at the time is his lack of maturity couldn't possible handle struggle.
If we had stayed together, would he have been strong enough for the adversity we would face outside of our relationship? He's white and I'm black. He didn't understand that our skin differences would lead him to struggle with whether I was worth it to him or not. Our society still sends subliminal messages that a white woman is much more worth it (or compatible to use his words) than a black woman. Black women aren't worth a damn to put it in plain English. Imagine feeling this and facing the disapproval of others who feel interracial dating is unacceptable. He would have never been strong enough to face the world with a black woman on his arm. The stares, the talk, even his own friends probably felt like we weren't worth it. No one would every say the word 'black'.... just maybe 'not compatible' or just 'not the one'. After all, there are so many special people in this world. All you have to do is wave a wand and that girl can be replaced with another model. Like a car. Why ride in a Black Ford when you can buy a White Lexus?
Nothing more to say....
P. Manolos
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