Crossroads

Has anyone seen that movie with Britney Spears and two other token sidekicks?

Wait, maybe that's the wrong question....

Has anyone seen that movie with Britney Spears and two other token sidekicks and is willing to admit it out loud to other people?

I commiserated to a good friend the other day about the many challenges I have faced in the past six months. I started law school, fell in love, got my heart broken, and found myself wondering whether I was strong enough to continue the journey God has set out for me.  I told her about how great I used to be. I used to work two jobs, live in a 400 sq ft apartment overlooking the freeway (with only a couple of pairs of shoes and a mold problem on the walls), not to mention my volunteer work as a Rape Crisis Counselor. I was able to handle all of my personal problems and talk rape survivors through a variety of situations. I told her that six months ago I was confident, self-assured, and blissfully happy. Nothing bothered me and I had only one mood: serene.

I recited all of these accomplishments proudly as if they meant anything. It was only when she looked at me and said that the girl I used to know, had never gone through anything in her life. P. Manolos of the past had never faced so much summer construction on the road of life. She never met a challenge she didn't overcome with the snap of a finger nor did she flinch at the sight of adversity. The reason why she was able to jump hoops was because the hoops weren't very high to begin with. 

It was from that moment on that I realized that the emotions I had been experiencing the past six months- anger, despondency, frustration, and even a touch of melancholy- were normal. I was going through the toughest phase of my life at the age of 23. All of the perfect feelings I had wrapped up inside of me snapped this year and I started making mistakes I should have made years ago. I let myself feel, think, and exist all on my own without thinking about what was best for the other people around me. 

Crossroads.

It's where two trains meet and can change tracks. I guess I'm just the pink little engine that could who is trying to find my station in life. I know how to drive down the tracks, but figuring out where to go.... that's the hard part.

Train Wrecked

P. Manolos