Picture Perfect?

My new best friend these days is my camera. I'm still getting over a bad break up from this winter and I have a hunger for the truth like I have never had in my entire life. I guess that comes with the territory when you have spent the past couple months in the shadows of reality. There's something so liberating about snapping a photo to keep track of exactly how things are in that moment of time. Camera's don't lie. You can try to put on as much cover up, eyeshadow and Viva Mac V gloss as you want, but it's going to show who you are at that very moment of time.

I wrote the other day that I had that sinking feeling when you realize something is going down. I should have added that so many people wish for me to be ashamed of how I'm feeling and just "get over it".  It's over, done, finished, el fin. It's as if I should spend my time deleting the rest of my life from my photo memory card.  

Well, I'm working through the pain. I never realized how painful losing someone you truly loved was until I truly loved someone. I derive my picture of what true love really is from my parents. For almost forty years, the two of them fought through infidelity, financial catastrophes, and raising three kids.  The love my parents have for each other is real. They do have some real knock down, drag out fights, but at the end of the day they realize that they only get stronger with each knock out punch. Fighting isn't always a bad thing. I spent five years in a relationship where we hardly ever fought and I found myself wondering how I felt about him. I spent four months in a relationship where the small skirmishes affirmed my belief that this was a good man worth fighting for. 

I have my good days and my bad days. There are days where I feel fine and I understand that sometimes we aren't meant to be with everyone we love. Then there are bad days where I can't hold back the feelings of resentment and anger at what I had lost. I think the biggest problem facing our world is our inability to allow ourselves to love unconditionally. To accept that person for who they are when you are together and to wish them good things and send prayers for them when you are apart.  To surrender ourselves and allow our hearts to become completely vulnerable to the other person. We have been taught to photoshop over true love lost with "whatever" and "moving on" so much that we can't seem to see the real picture.

A picture that is worth a thousand words. 

Technology has gotten to the point where we can manipulate images and make them into something that really wasn't there in the first place. It's too bad they don't have that for the human heart. 

P. Manolos