Picture of the Day

My little man. He slept on my lap during the movie tonight. Who knew love from a four legged friend could be so pure and fulfilling?

Sleeping Beauty,

P. Manolos

Today's Obsession

Dolce & Gabanna Leopard Print Platform pumps. Half the price of a pair of New Christian Louboutin platform heels. Only difference? The label. Only problem? I still want the Christian Louboutin platforms. I'm on a quest to find a pair priced around $400.00. 

Today's Obsession

Let's be frank here. When it comes to finances, I believe in spending more on less. We're all going to die and our savings accounts can't come with us so why not live life to the fullest? I'd rather eat spaghetti for a week than wear knock offs, therefore the must have Chanel sunglasses with rows of pearl agate on the side is my must have of the season. I plan to purchase a pair as soon as my last firm check comes in this week.  I dare not say how much it costs. 

CHANELling my inner Jackie O,

P. Manolos

The Thing

I got a bit of a shocker last night. I was trolling on facebook as I usually do when one of my friends left a comment on my page about my competition preparation. I clicked on his page to return the comment when to my utter disbelief I saw that his status had changed from absolutely nothing to  "In a Relationship with XYZ". 

No big deal right? Well, the only thing is a little under one year ago, I had a crush on this guy. I thought I had correctly read all of the signs he gave me and put myself out there asking him if he liked me too. He said  I was attractive, but no, he wasn't interested in a relationship and definitely not one in the circle we ran in. 

So I was a bit crushed at first. I avoided contact with him only to find myself seeing Mr. Passion. After Mr. Passion crushed ever fiber of my being Casper came back to support me as I mended a broken heart. It was only this summer when he announced to me his strong feelings for a girl that he had only known for a couple of weeks and how he would do whatever it takes to get into a relationship with her.  I didn't believe him, after all he was known for his status as a huge player and for a fear of commitment. He slept with a different woman each week and didn't find anything wrong with his adversity towards love and commitment. You can imagine my jaw drop when I saw that his status had changed. I didn't know what was worse, the fact that someone who didn't really want a relationship had fallen into one so easily or the fact that I wasn't a compelling enough to be the one who changed his mind.

One caveat-  I don't have any feelings for Casper at all anymore. I'm very happy with our friendship. I am, however, confused and left in a daze. So many failed relationships in the past year. My five year relationship with Mr. Safety, my few month relationship with Mr. Passion (who btw is still with his girlfriend of a couple of months) , my short stint with Mr. Bland ( a guy so blah he can't even decide if he wants to be with me or not) and let's not forget Mr. Impossible who after a few dates has left the scene of the crime altogether.

A pattern is  a reliable sample of traits, acts, tendencies, or other observable characteristics of a person, group, or institution ( courtesy of Webster's Dictionary). As children we learned in math class how to discern numeric patterns and categorize them by their similarities. If you say 2, 4, 6, 8 and were asked what should come next, you should respond "10" because the pattern consists of even numbers or an increase by two. 

Had my dating life become a pattern of unsuccessful relationships? Each one relates to the other by failure, and the lack of something that a man needs in order to commit. I find myself at a loss for words when I realize that so many women find themselves effortlessly in fulfilling relationships while I hope that he will at least be kind enough to call me at the end of the day. All of the negative feed back and leaves me to conclude that there is a thing that I lack that most women are born with. 

The "Thing"

That thing that makes something click in a guys head and makes him want to be with her. That thing that makes him think about her every second of the day and gives him the sinking feeling when she doesn't respond to his phone calls or his emails. That yearning and desire they have to nest near them and be a part of their lives- to support them in bad times and celebrate the good.

If we are all made in God's image, then did he forget to install something before I came out of the womb? What is it about me that insures an endless pattern of unfulfilling relationships, heart break, and mind numbing lonliness? Am I broken or did I not enter this world without the thing in the first place?

Well, I'm off to the movies. My sweet puppy, Zimba, is passed out next to me. I hate to wake him up to go for a walk but I want to make sure he has all his needs met before I leave for the evening. God knows I wish I had someone to do the same for me.

SomeTHING is missing,

P. Manolos

The Perfect Man

I had no clue how compatible Zimba and I were until I conducted a little research....

1. Miniature Pinshcers (a.k.a minpin) are known as the single person's dog. They stay loyal to only one or two people in their entire lifetime.
2. Min pins are full of character
3. Min pins are stubborn
4. Min pins respect authority- any lapse in authority and they will take over as leader of the pack over their masters
5. Min pins are loving

Terrorist

This little guy has dropped more bombs than Osama himself. He's my new puppy and his name is Zimba. If you want a dog, I suggest getting an older guy who's already been housebroken. Housebreaking a puppy is beginning to housebreak me..

Level

It's been awhile.

I haven't had much time to blog. In between work, school, friends, and family, I tend to have just enough time to sleep and eat each day. I've started attending a three day a week boot camp at 5:30 AM. I have some difficulty getting up super early, but I'm committed to living a healthier life style and taking care of myself. I have focused too long on the needs of others for the detriment of my own.  My own happiness. I guess that's what the founding fathers hoped each of us would pursue with all of the freedoms guaranteed to us by our Constitution.

Work is my new love right now. I enjoy the intellectual vigors of thinking out a legal problem. The late nights, early mornings, and stressful evenings yield themselves to a sense of accomplishment I have always wanted to achieve in my life. I have spent so much of my time working odd jobs- a receptionist, food service employee, secretary and even a job as a campaign manager. I can't describe to you the feeling I have when I walk into my office each morning knowing someone is depending upon my opinion.

Not to mention the pay check is pretty nice. A hard day at work = a hard day at the mall. I've probably spent most of my check on living expenses, but I have plenty left over to do some major damage. Last weekend, I bought a pair of fabulous patent leather yellow peep toe wedges, coach stacked heels, and a pair of black and white BCBG strappy platform heels. 

Love is still a work in progress. I still dream of having someone special to share my life with, but I realize I need to change my approach. I attended a relationship seminar where we discussed five levels needed for a stable relationship. 

1. Know
2. Trust
3. Rely
4. Commit
5. Touch

I must admit I had tears in my eyes when we discussed relationships. I think the reason why I feel so attached to Mr. Safety is because he systematically achieved every single level without skipping a beat. He got to know me inside and out before we established a circle of trust. Once we knew we could trust each other we began to rely on each other and create a lasting commitment to our joint happiness. The beauty of achieving the first four levels is finally being able to enjoy the last one, touch. 

I think American culture focuses too much on the last level. Music videos, television shows, movies, and even our school ciriculum focus on touch. It's as if the feminist revolution that freed women from the slavery of endless childbirth also released men from the need to get to know a woman. Who needs trust when you can have a one night stand? You can't expect a man you sleep with one day to rely on you the next. Nor should any woman believe that to touch a man is the same as getting to know him.

Maybe that's where so many relationships went wrong. We were always in a rush to have it all- commitment, trust, and reliance- but we never stopped to take the time to enjoy the stages of each relationship develop and evolve into something real. I can't tell you how much it aches inside to find that something real.