Level

It's been awhile.

I haven't had much time to blog. In between work, school, friends, and family, I tend to have just enough time to sleep and eat each day. I've started attending a three day a week boot camp at 5:30 AM. I have some difficulty getting up super early, but I'm committed to living a healthier life style and taking care of myself. I have focused too long on the needs of others for the detriment of my own.  My own happiness. I guess that's what the founding fathers hoped each of us would pursue with all of the freedoms guaranteed to us by our Constitution.

Work is my new love right now. I enjoy the intellectual vigors of thinking out a legal problem. The late nights, early mornings, and stressful evenings yield themselves to a sense of accomplishment I have always wanted to achieve in my life. I have spent so much of my time working odd jobs- a receptionist, food service employee, secretary and even a job as a campaign manager. I can't describe to you the feeling I have when I walk into my office each morning knowing someone is depending upon my opinion.

Not to mention the pay check is pretty nice. A hard day at work = a hard day at the mall. I've probably spent most of my check on living expenses, but I have plenty left over to do some major damage. Last weekend, I bought a pair of fabulous patent leather yellow peep toe wedges, coach stacked heels, and a pair of black and white BCBG strappy platform heels. 

Love is still a work in progress. I still dream of having someone special to share my life with, but I realize I need to change my approach. I attended a relationship seminar where we discussed five levels needed for a stable relationship. 

1. Know
2. Trust
3. Rely
4. Commit
5. Touch

I must admit I had tears in my eyes when we discussed relationships. I think the reason why I feel so attached to Mr. Safety is because he systematically achieved every single level without skipping a beat. He got to know me inside and out before we established a circle of trust. Once we knew we could trust each other we began to rely on each other and create a lasting commitment to our joint happiness. The beauty of achieving the first four levels is finally being able to enjoy the last one, touch. 

I think American culture focuses too much on the last level. Music videos, television shows, movies, and even our school ciriculum focus on touch. It's as if the feminist revolution that freed women from the slavery of endless childbirth also released men from the need to get to know a woman. Who needs trust when you can have a one night stand? You can't expect a man you sleep with one day to rely on you the next. Nor should any woman believe that to touch a man is the same as getting to know him.

Maybe that's where so many relationships went wrong. We were always in a rush to have it all- commitment, trust, and reliance- but we never stopped to take the time to enjoy the stages of each relationship develop and evolve into something real. I can't tell you how much it aches inside to find that something real.