Father forgive me, for I have sinned.
It's Sunday morning. I woke up early with the intentions of going to morning service and found myself sitting on a couch with a bowl of Captain Crunch (Peanut butter of course) watching Sixteen Candles ( a legit 80s movie BTW.)
My life has taken a lot of turns lately. I'm finishing my third year of law school and I am in dire need of employment after graduation. The market isn't what it used to be, so many of my classmates who would seem like perfect catches don't even have a job yet. I'm in good company.
Well, let me get to the bottom of this ditty I've aptly entitled as an expose on the ever-so elusive "ceremonial clique." The past few months have been a flurry of activity on the relationship front for many of my peers. Lots of diamonds rings have been passed out in a last ditch effort for everyone to get their happily ever after while they still can. Jealous, you say? Me? No, not really. Trust me, there was a time where I would have probably cried in my Coco Puffs over the past few months. Ironic enough, someone told me the reason why so many girls in the school have lost weight is because they are "looking for a man." I didn't have the heart to tell them that most girls start to exercise and lose weight so they can wear a lower jean size- attracting men is just a side effect.
A girlfriend of mine told me a few weeks ago that she craved babies. No, silly, not ingesting human embryos. She desired to have a child and found herself becoming absolutely absorbed in this desire. I told her I haven't felt that way at all, she replied that I was in a committed relationship-thus I have a 'realistic chance of having kids' which added up to a lack of desire. Erroneous of course. As an outsider looking in, I have come to the conclusion that the desire to have a child at a critical point in your life when all other options become difficult is because child birth is an accomplishment in itself. If all else fails, having a child is a chance to achieve something. I'm not knocking marriage or child birth. I'm knocking the fact that society has gotten women so cracked out on the two that we fail to recognize the shades of life that lie between marriage and family.
What has changed in my life that has brought me to revel in checking off the 'single, no kids' box on every marketing survey in existence? Well, for one, I realize that I love being on my own. I love the freedom of waking up and answering to no one. I can do single girl things like paint my nails on the sofa and watch the Food Network until my eyes bleed. Z and I go for long jogs outside and puppy fight indoors when it's raining. I talk to my mom practically every other day and my dad comes over to fix things when I break them.
It's not that I disdain the deed- I think that it is a beautiful symbolic act two people who love each other very much decide to do. I'm in no rush, things in life happen exactly when they are supposed to happen. I just want to point out how absolutely divine it is to just fly solo right now (well I am in a committed relationship, but that's not nearly the same as matrimony). I still have my place, he has his own, and we both meet each other in the middle for date night.
This isn't stuff I can do forever- and I see some value in the fact that I will have the rest of my life to join the clique. Right now, I'd rather go see a movie in the middle of the week and get a facial. No judgment here.
Free as a Bird,
P. Manolos
